atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
