I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.