I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.