this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
