oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
