Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
