I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
