we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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