my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
