we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
