Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
