My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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