I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
