I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
