I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
