All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
