First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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