Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this boner is exhausting
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
