she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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