laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
