Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
