You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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