Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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