Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
