No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
