He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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