This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
