On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
