The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
