Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
