I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
