why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
