Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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