Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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