On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
