Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
