i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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