i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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