every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
