I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
