A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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