I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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