trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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