I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
