3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
