dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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