Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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