did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
