She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your penis caused this!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
