went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
