The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
