AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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