"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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