I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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