I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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