Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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