Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
