Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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