:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
