sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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