Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
