dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
