i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
