So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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