tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
