Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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