i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
