I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
