Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
