I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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