I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
