this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
