you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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