The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
