I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
