My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
