I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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